Though this has only happened on a couple of occasions, Lamp would like to address the concerns of a few parents of children who are friends with Lamp.

Point ..1: Lamp has never requested to be your son/daughter's friend. Your child has made the decision to add Lamp.

Point ..2: Lamp doesn't "send messages" to any children on myspace. If someone sends Lamp a message, then Lamp will typically reply, unless the sender is being completely out of line, (or if Lamp is crazy busy and the message gets buried in the inbox. It happens, sorry.)

Point ..3: Lamp is not a creepy old man. Lamp is a LAMP. A lamp you'd buy at Ikea and have in your home next to your couch or TV. (One might argue that Lamp is merely a character created by someone behind the scenes of MySpace, but to admit to that would be like saying that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Isn't it more fun to believe that Lamp is really a lamp? We all know that there is no tooth fairy... but there's a magic in believing.

Point ..4:Lamp leaves a comment of "Lamp loves you," (or a variation of that) on virtually everyone's profile. It's what Lamp does. Lamp loves people. Lamp wants everyone to love everyone. If you had taken the time to look at Lamp's profile before reacting irrationally, you'd know that your worries have no merit. But no, people see a comment from someone and they immediately freak out. If you're so ontop of parenting your children, why the hell did you allow them to add Lamp in the first place? Riddle me that!

When the ..&@!! did love become a bad word in this country? Lamp's is probably the most nonoffensive profile on myspace. There's very little that should offend people, (save for the rants against children and their parents). Lamp serves one purpose: to make people happy. If even for just a brief second, if Lamp can make someone feel better, then mission accomplished. Lamp isn't here for personal gains or to "meet" people. Lamp loves everyone. Everyone!!! And if that's a crime, then Lamp is guilty. Why is it inappropriate to leave a comment that proclaims Lamp's MySpace love for someone? Ridiculous.




Now Lamp would like to make this a little more personal and address one specific message that Lamp just received:

Don't know who you are but don't send messages to my teenage daughter again or I will report you as a potential pedophile... Go love yourself.

This message offended and enraged happy little Lamp.

Let's break this down, shall we?

If she had taken the time to look at Lamp's profile, she could have very easily figured out "who Lamp was." Lamp is an entity, a persona, a character, much like Micky Mouse.

Lamp has no idea what she's talking about as far as "sending messages." Lamp doesn't do that. Lamp can only assume she's referring to a comment Lamp left, which most likely read: "Lamp loves you, _____."

Now... Lamp has NO IDEA who her daughter is, because she didn't bother to say. Lamp has nearly 10,000 friends. Who exactly is Lamp supposed to stop "sending messages" to?

A potential pedophile? Really?! On what grounds? Because Lamp tells people that Lamp loves you? That's quite a stretch. Lamp believes that this person is a total hypocrite, and Lamp will tell you why:

Explain to Lamp what the difference is between a grown man/woman in a Micky Mouse suit hugging your child and telling them that they love them... to Lamp leaving a comment on someone's myspace that tells them that they love them. Why is one acceptable in her view? Explain that.

Lamp would also like to point out that Lamp is an open book. You can look through all of the messages Lamp has ever sent/received, and you'll see that Lamp's intentions are honest and pure. Lamp has never/will never send an innappropriated message to a child/teenager. That's bullshit.

So let's review? It's okay to set your child on a stranger's lap, be it an old man in a red suit or a person in a bunny suit... but it's suddenly a crime for a lamp, (or god forbid someone pretending to be a lamp) to leave a comment of love on their profile. Your concern and threat are both way off base and unwarrented and frankly. Lamp is quite bothered by this and thinks you owe Lamp an apology.

So that's that. Lamp is done with explain Lamp's raison d'etre. If parents still object to a lamp loving their child, and their neighbor, and their mailman, and their local congressional representative, and their father, and them... then frankly, they can go right ahead and....

love themselves.

All right, the time has kiddies... There's no nice way to say this, so Lamp is just going to say it. If you are under 14 years of age, Lamp WILL NOT add you. You may be thinking, "hey, I thought this Lamp loved everyone." Well, yes and no. While Lamp does still love everyone of every race and age... Lamp will NOT be adding any children. But why, Lamp? Why? It all started back in December when Lamp received this message titled "My Daugher": Somehow you are a friend of my 11 yr old daughter and i am assuming it was a mistake but your comment on her page about loving her was not what i wanted to see from a 30yr old man i am her father and keep a close eye on her so mistakes happen and are understandable please do not leave her any messages it would be greatly appreciated... thanks for your understanding A reassuring reply was sent to this individual, but he didn't even have the common courtesy to read said reply. In this well worded rebuttal, Lamp pointed out that children shouldn't be on MySpace, regardless of whether or not you're monitoring them closely. Lamp also pointed out that Lamp doesn't send out any friend requests, Lamp merely accepts them. And... Lamp isn't really 31... His ignorance and his daughter's abuse of the TOS of MySpace left Lamp with little choice but to contact MySpace and have her account, and all of her underage friend's accounts, deleted. Once they get new fake accounts, Lamp will see to it to have those deleted as well. The TERMS OF SERVICE clearly state: Users must be at least 14 to join. According to the TOS, if a user is under 18 and misrepresenting their age, the account may be deleted. With this being said, Lamp is giving every child fair warning. Should you try to add Lamp as a friend, not only will Lamp not accept you, but Lamp will report you to MySpace and have your account deleted. Your underage friends will also be reported... because Lamp is making this personal. There was an 11 year old boy that Lamp recently added who left a foul mouth comment. Needless to say, he and his friends felt Lamp's wrath. Good job, kiddo. There, Lamp said it. Lamp will spare you the rant about how the minimum age for MySpace should be 18 anyway, and that kids of any age SHOULDN'T be on here. You need to keep in touch with friends? That's what school is for. This is a subject that really gets Lamp's blood boiling. Just thinking about it right now, Lamp wants to write a lot of harsh things, but Lamp will resist. Feel free to comment. Arguments are welcome. A healthy debate is always encouraged. So in closing, if you're under 14 or lying about your age, Lamp loves you, but will see to it that your account is deleted. It's for your own good. Plus, Lamp is pretty tired of adding the same deleted kids over and over again. In case you need the link: Go Get Em!

You read that subject heading right!!! By popular demand, Lamp shirts are now available for purchase on the Internet. (Just in time for the holidays.) First off, a few disclaimers and such: - Lamp can't vouch for the quality of the shirts or prints. This is all in the hands of Zazzle.com. Lamp simply designed the shirts and posted them in a gallery on their site. That's all that Lamp has to do with the creation of the shirts. If they're bad, it's the website's fault, not Lamp's. (Though Lamp doubts there'd be anything wrong with the shirts) - YOU can select the size, style, and color of shirt. You can even change the color of the font and move it up or down on the shirt if you feel so inclined. (Lamp might recommend moving some of them up a little higher, but don't feel pressured into anything you don't feel comfortable with) There are many different styles to choose from, as well as different colors. You can choose them. Isn't that cool?! -There are TWO pages on the gallery. There's probably only one or two shirts on the second page, but it is there. Don't overlook it. -There's a discount for buying in bulk. So... everyone who said they'd buy a bunch, here's your chance! Now, where do you go? http://www.zazzle.com/contributors/products/gallery/browse_results.asp?cid=238031420704833762 Lamp might make more in the future if people actually buy them. If you have any ideas or suggestions for other shirts, let Lamp know and Lamp will make it happen. Okay then, happy shopping.